What is COACHING?
Or rather, let me pose the question you are probably thinking:
is coaching a bunch of BS?
It’s a good question and, quite frankly, the one that I was most concerned with when I decided to become a coach. To answer your question succinctly, I do not believe coaching is “a bunch of bs” but just like in any job or profession, there are good and bad coaches, and it’s important to find a coach that is right for you. I think if you do, I think there’s a good chance coaching will change your life.
As a coach, I am not the productivity influencer telling you to “rise and grind” or “get a cold plunge.” (Note: no shame if you own a cold plunge but you know the type). I am more like a really good friend who you respect and feel comfortable talking about what it is that you really, really want. The friend that you don’t want to let down because you know that they believe in who you are at your very best. The kind of person you tell things because you know they’ll hold you accountable.
I like to talk about coaching in simple terms and to talk about it leveraging books, disciplines, or ideas that you are probably already familiar with. The good news is that definitions and language that reflect the work of coaching are all around us, they’re just not always called “coaching.”
Below is an overview of the types of work that you can expect to do within the coaching container and a broad range of books, podcasts, and resources you can seek out to explore these ideas in more detail.
Leveling up your inner game when you’ve mastered the tactics, strategies, and “how-to” of your chosen profession or goal
PGA Tour Golfer, Max Homa, was interviewed on the No Laying Up podcast and spoke about his experience working with a mental coach during the 2022-2023 season. Homa had reservations but ultimately was convinced by his caddie, Joe Greiner, to give it a shot. Greiner said, “I’m not telling you this because I think you’re broken, I’m telling you this because I think it can boost us real high in this game.”
Coaching is a place to go when you feel that you have reached the limits of tactical or technical improvement and want to see what’s possible when you make the effort to level up your mindset and inner game.
For further listening: Listen to Max Homa on the No Laying Up podcast
For further reading: Eleven Rings: The Soul of Success by Phil Jackson
Explore what’s really getting in the way
Professor and researcher, Brene Brown, puts it best in her book, The Gifts of Imperfection, when she says, “I’ve never seen any evidence of ‘how-to’ working without talking about the things that get in the way.”
We live in the age of the internet. There are a million books, podcasts, articles, etc that are readily available that likely already cover “the how” you are interested in. What we will do in coaching is explore the mindsets, beliefs, and behaviors that are getting in the way of you actually going after “the how.” Armed with the insight, we’ll then talk about taking action.
For further reading: The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to be and Embrace Who You Are by Brene Brown Ph.D, L.M.S.W.
Shift your self-image to reflect what you want to achieve
In Atomic Habits, author James Clear talks about the three layers of behavior change: outcomes (results), processes (habits and systems), and identity (what you believe). Clear contends that the deepest layer is the identity level. The level concerned with your beliefs about the world, yourself, and others.
This is the layer that we do the most work on in the coaching container. We work to adapt your self-image to reflect the goals you want to achieve.
For further reading: Atomic Habits by James Clear
Overcome the fears that get in the way of doing something unique or unconventional
Doing what we want often requires confronting two major fears 1) the fear of failure and 2) the fear of what others might think of us. It requires building access to trust in ourselves. Within the coaching container, we get practiced in noticing when and how often these fears come up and understanding what beliefs they stem from. In doing so, we open up the access you have to choice and making decisions from places that are not driven by fear.
For further reading: Daring Greatly : How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brene Brown, Ph.D, L.M.S.W.
Navigating the sources of discontent to find what is aligned for us
In Untamed, author Glennon Doyle asserts, “Discontent is evidence that your imagination has not given up on you. It is still pressing, swelling, trying to get your attention by whispering: “Not this.”
In the coaching container, we explore resistance. What is fear vs what is a sign that something is not aligned or right for you?
For further reading: Untamed by Glennon Doyle
Creating accountability around the work required to reach our goals
We work together to create repeatable tactical and mental practices that help you prioritize effort before results and aid in overcoming the blocks that arise when we feel like something isn’t happening “fast enough.” As famed golf sports psychologist, Dr. Bob Rotella, writes in his book, How Champions Think, “The question of how good someone can be is only answered after the individual has put in a long period of sustained, committed adherence to a process of improvement. By, ‘a long period,’ I don’t mean days or weeks or even months. Typically, a long period might mean years.”
For further reading: How Champions Think: In Sports and in Life by Dr. Bob Rotella
We explore the root beliefs that are preventing you from making the changes that you actually want to make
Harvard researchers and authors Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey have explored this extensively in their book, Immunity to Change. They argue that most changes require more than improving tactical or technical skills, they require fundamental changes to mindset and belief systems.
Through the coaching relationship, we explore the belief system that is guiding your behavior and where it creates roadblocks or resistance to the change you want to make. We design experiments that allow you to test those beliefs, see where they hold up, and where you have the opportunity to put new belief systems in place that support your goals.
For further reading: Immunity to Change: How to Overcome It and Unlock Potential in Yourself and Your Organization by Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey
For further listening: Lisa Lahey on the Dare to Lead Podcast