What does it mean to be committed?
What does it mean to be committed? By commitment, I mean the things that we are committed to making happen no matter what. It’s a tricky subject because, sometimes, there’s a gap between what we think we’re committed to and what we actually are.
What’s going on when we’re not delivering on or seeing momentum in an area of life we say we’re committed to? In my experience, this is often a good time to ask: What’s my commitment, really?
I’ve been building my own business for over a year now. Initially, I thought that my commitment was to build my business to a specific financial goal within a year and anything else would be utter failure. (Side note: It’s very stressful to think in such binary terms. Would not recommend it to a friend). To me, that meant focusing on leadership/executive coaching and working primarily with corporate clients. I would be firmly in the realm of business coaching and help clients with things like goal setting and OKR planning and operations. It was a way to step away from my old life as an investor without traveling very far.
I started to notice after a few months that all the effort I put forth in this direction never felt quite right. I often found myself secretly hoping that corporate clients would say no to my proposals (not exactly the feeling you hope for when this is allegedly your business)! I felt drained speaking about OKRs and goal setting. I even noticed that it was hard for me to talk about the work I was doing. It felt like a constant series of stops and starts.
About half way through the year and after lots of work with my own coach, I finally gave myself the space to get really clear on what my commitments truly were. I realized (big shocker!) that it was not what I’d been pushing towards. I wasn’t committed to building a coaching business in any form, I was committed to building a coaching business that deeply aligned with who I am as a person and allowed me to live a life that aligns with my values: being present with my partner and family, having more time to visit my parents, engaging in work that I’m passionate about, making lots of space for fun and creativity. My commitment was to find a way to do meaningful work and live a meaningful life on whatever time horizon it took to figure that out. Needless to say, pretty different from hitting a financial goal in a limited time frame and calling it a day.
Over the course of lots of experiments and realizing all of the things that I didn’t want to do or be, I started to have more clarity on what I did want to do. I’ll also admit that it was not the linear, smooth path that it sounds like here. It was messy at times and deeply human. I frequently laid on the floor of my living room, stared at the ceiling, and contemplated my choices. I ate a lot of cake (shoutout to Martha’s Country Bakery in Williamsburg). I took many, many long walks to work through the fear and uncertainty that came with such a big life change (shoutout to my boyfriend, John!). But, above all, I allowed myself to lean into things that I love doing like writing and interacting with creative people. Leaning into those loves led me to interviewing people that are leading unconventional, creative lives and doing work that they are deeply passionate about. I’ve started to meet the people that feel like reflections of the kind of person I want to be and the kind of people I want to coach. Which takes me to the present - a moment when I feel like I’ve landed on what I’m committed to in my coaching by virtue of rediscovering who I am as a person.
Put simply, my coaching practice now is oriented towards the question: How do each of us live the most meaningful life possible? I am increasingly coaching people that are walking on or toward the path of the unconventional and building work and lives that reflect what they are passionate about. I’m finding that my clientele has shifted towards the creative realm but with a broad definition of what creative is. I like to borrow the writer Elizabeth Gilbert’s definition of a creative life. That is, living a life more driven by curiosity than by fear. In my coaching, we tackle the range of topics that living a creative life requires navigating to achieve our goals: Embracing fear of the unknown, confronting the fear of failure, getting continuously clear on what we really want, gaining comfort with discomfort, pushing the edge of our comfort zone, integrating our personal and professional lives, our relationship to money, and so much more.
Don’t get me wrong, I still believe that leadership coaching and OKRs and operational planning are all really important and I know that it’s not the work I’m most meant to do. It took me a long time to be comfortable saying that. I still have very ambitious financial goals (+ still gotta eat and pay rent!) but I’m seeing what’s possible in achieving them when I put my commitments first. And funnily enough, as I’ve done that and put more work into the world that feels deeply aligned with me, all of the goals I had for my business at the beginning are starting to happen more readily and easily. Go figure.
I’ll leave you with the reminders I have for myself along this journey: There’s no “right” amount of time for finding the thing that you’re committed to. Don’t be afraid to keep searching. Every iteration brings you one step closer. Lean into things you love doing for the sake of it and see what they bring you. Embrace the messiness as the path that leads to clarity. Practice saying the things you want out loud.
