The Coach gets coached
This week I finished up a year-long leadership development and coaching program. Nearly 200 hours of coaching other leaders in a group setting, getting coached by them, and learning new techniques for mindset coaching. In addition, I was coached 1:1 every week by my own coach for the past 12 months.
I’ll admit that I was skeptical at first (and that’s coming from someone that wanted to be a coach). I mean, how much could coaching really do for you? After the first month of the program (and probably the second if I’m being honest), I literally had the thought: “What the hell have I signed up for?”
A coaching mentor once told me that you can only take your clients as far as you have been willing to go yourself. This program became a forcing function for transforming myself, looking at my own edges as a person, seeing the places where I struggle to be vulnerable, understanding the limiting beliefs that get in my way…the things that prevent me from being the leader and person I want to be. I didn’t realize it at first but now I see that I was looking to build a much stronger inner game. And doing so took getting back in touch with myself and confronting all the doubts, fears, worries, and beliefs that were far outside of my comfort zone. It was uncomfortable and it was meant to be.
As the program ended, I’ve been reflecting: What has coaching done for me as a person? How do I explain the impact that this elusive, hard to quantify thing has had on my life? I think the only way to do that is to tell you how I’m different a year later.
The inner critic that would beat myself up every time I heard feedback or made a mistake is far less present in my life. I still see the critic from time to time but she no longer derails me for days on end.
For perhaps the first time in my life, I trust myself and trust that I am capable of creating the life I want. Ironically, I trust myself more with an open ended plan for the future than when I thought I had a clear picture of the next 10 years.
The fear of failure doesn’t paralyze me. I set that fear down when I realized that I needed to become the person that I am right now and no matter what happens next I am on a path that has altered the course of my life. I will always be writing. I will always coach people that feel aligned with me. I will always create a life that allows me to be present with the people that matter most.
My muscles for being comfortable with discomfort are a lot stronger. A year ago, it felt like going to the gym for the first time and feeling every muscle in my body strain against the effort. Now I have the benefit of muscle memory from a year of consistently lifting weights. The workouts, often, are still hard but I know I can handle them. And I welcome what they do for me.
My identity is no longer wrapped up in being an investor or being defined by what I do for work. I’m leaning into what I love and trusting that the act of doing that will produce more than I ever could have dreamed of.
I was brave enough to try on the identity of writer and realize that it has felt more authentic and natural than any other identity or experience I’ve had to date (thanks to all of you reading here!)
I am committed to living a creative life. The writer, Elizabeth Gilbert, defines this as living a life more driven by curiosity than by fear.
I am human after all. I promise you that I have not reached “enlightenment.” I don’t do yoga regularly. I don’t have a particularly zen morning routine. I still have doubts and worries. I’ve had days where I’ve taken long walks wondering if I’ve made the right choices. I’ve laid on the floor in my apartment and had a good existential crisis like any true millennial. I welcome a good pity party from time to time. The difference is that I’m now firmly aware of the access that I have to making choices in life and the knowledge that the person I’ve described to you here is always available to me. I can choose her at any point. It was not easy. It took breakdowns and confrontation and sitting with discomfort for every minute of the last year. The journey isn’t finished. And it never will be. But I know now that I have the foundation of an inner game that will allow me to dig deeper and to step up in the moments that matter.
I was tempted to write about the way this kind of work will accelerate your business, the results you want, etc. All the things that most people associate with coaching - the “ROI” that makes it “worth it.” I could do that but I realized that the work I’ve described here is what I believe makes all the difference regardless of all of that. And funnily enough, I think doing all the work on yourself that seems to have nothing to do with your business….ends up having the biggest impact on your business and on your life.
In his book, from “From Strength to Strength,” the writer Arthur C. Brooks described, quite eloquently, what I’ve hoped to communicate here:
“When you are honest and humble about your weaknesses, you will be more comfortable in your own skin. When you use your weaknesses to connect with others, love in your life will grow. And finally–finally– you will be able to relax without worrying about being exposed as less than people think you are. To share your weakness without caring is a kind of superpower.”
What would be different in your life with that kind of superpower?
